Are they really just "supplements" or do they pose the risk of addiction for recovering addicts?
Adderall gave me the focus I didn’t know I could achieve and with the right dose, it was a 1-800 connection to my Angels, but that’s another story. When Adderall and I first met, it made me the person I was always supposed to be; clever, outgoing, alert and efficient. It inspired me to want to start my own business and to start creating goals. No, I never actually attempted to accomplish any of these goals under its influence, but at least I wanted to, right?
From onset, I was taking well above the recommended dosage. Things transpired quickly and a simple encounter turned into a full-blown obsession. In only weeks, I mutated from a quirky, fun gal into an anxiety-ridden fiend who was scared to go out in public. I knew I had a drug problem and in attempt to quit, I tried multiple other prescribed ADHD medications. I thought for sure there was something out there that I wouldn't abuse, but they either had no effect or I was just as addicted.
It was an addiction that took six years to finally overcome. Once I kicked Adderall’s a**, I barely had enough energy to shower and after work (if I made it to work) I spent countless hours watching pick-a-card tarot readings on YouTube. My passion for changing the world was gone. I felt useless, what a complete mind f***.
One year Add-free, I felt an itch. Mind you, I had always vowed never to give up on my goal of FOCUS. There had to be something to increase my brain functionality somewhere. I scoured the internet and discovered the Nootropics Community on reddit. There was a plethora of non-prescription alternatives that promised to increase my productivity and memory. Was this too good to be true? After nonstop research and comparing testimonial after testimonial on reddit and YouTube, I purchased Noopept, Lion’s Mane, Rhodiola Rosea, Ashwaganda, Alpha GPC, Ginko Biloba, Modafinil, Choline L-Bitartrate, GABA, Kratom, Magtein, Acetyl L-Carnitine HCI, NAC and Phenylpiracetam. (I did tell you I was an addict, right?)
I dabbled in my variety of nootropics over the course of two months, but I couldn’t continue because...
they made me feel like an addict again. Many of these supplements are little white powders that require you to use a scale to measure down to the milligram and require you to take multiple doses throughout the day. Kinda reminiscent of another drug I used to take... There is definitely some form of codependence in using these substances, but I am not saying that people who use them are drug addicts, just that the behavior is eerily similar for me. It was too close to home and staying sober is more important!
Another issue was that most of the nootropics I tried, literally had no effect. Maybe my lack of patience had something to do with it (I know it did), but I wanted immediate results, like my arch nemesis Adderall provided. The only nootropic that generated any noticeable difference in my productivity, was Modafinil - the Adderall knock-off with similar side effects; racing heart and mind, complete energy depletion and not to forget, the all too familiar feeling of EXTREME paranoia and anxiety...just. like. Adderall. The come down was bad. After briefly misusing it, I confidently concluded that this wasn’t the right path for me. My intuition told me to stop chasing an unattainable goal of becoming limitless.
I was chasing a rainbow and for what?
After an intense evaluation of my ongoing situation, I chose to accept myself the way I am, lack of focus and all! This understanding took seven long years to reach. Adderall took away my sense of safety, made me psychotic #truthhurts, and I still feel the mental repercussions of my actions to this day (more about this in future posts). The benefits of remaining clean outweigh any benefit an artificial substance could give. I am more happy and successful without harming my body and my mind is no longer chained to the idea I have to be a certain way. I actually now am able to "get in the zone" and I never thought this possible drug-free, but it is! I hope this article will help others realize that it’s okay to accept yourself as you are and not compare it to what you had or who you once were. Do not rob yourself of enjoying the strengths you possess!
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